Are you "tuned in" to your children?

On top of our kitchen cabinet is a sign that reads JOY. My husband gave it to me for Christmas, but I’m not sure if he really meant it as a gift, or more as a reminder, as in “today, remember to choose joy.” At any rate most days I love it, but some days it just stares at me and mocks me from afar and one morning last week was one of those times. Emma Claire was sick and hadn’t slept well for days. This meant I hadn’t slept well either, plus she couldn't be around other children so I had to call Pam, our babysitter/nanny extraordinaire, to come over. My call woke Pam up, so to review,no-one had slept well and now everyone was cranky. The engine light had come on in my van (yes, I drive a van but don’t make fun of me, because I love my van. My first car was a Chevy chevette with an 8-track player and an “I love gymnastics” bumper sticker and I can’t even do a cartwheel, so trust me when I say my van is pretty cool in comparison!) Anyway, I couldn’t figure out how to get it checked out while still having us all be where we needed to be, when we needed to be there. And then, looming over it all, was my appointment later in the day to get a crown (and no, not the sparkly Miss America kind.) Clearly I was having trouble choosing joy.

Actually, the therapists at my school would have labeled my emotional state as “dis-regulated.” And seriously, what better way to regulate one’s emotions than with a super carbo-load in the form of a bagel with cream cheese and a diet coke. So on our way to pre-school, we made a bagel run. Coulter was beyond excited about the surprise stop and after a few bites, he interrupted the silence and said, “Mom, this is the best day EVER!” Hmmm…… Really??? A bagel? We seriously need to get out more.

Later in class, Coulter's “best day ever” comment long forgotten, I looked over to see a Mom completely disengaged from her child. She had become totally fascinated with a piece of lint on her shirt. This is almost a Kindermusik crisis because our goal, our mission, is “all involved, all the time.” Her son kept trying to win her attention, but his attempts looked like misbehavior on his part, so Mom kept taking his instruments away. I knew that I needed to intervene is some positive way, and yet, I felt myself just observing. At that moment, when her goal was to have quality time with her child, she was a thousand miles away. I am in no way passing judgment because I have been that mom more times than I care to admit. Playing cars, tossing the ball, even reading to my children when my mind is,like hers,a thousand miles away (thousands, actually, usually someplace warm with salt water and sand and I’m all alone and…o.k…..focus...) Anyway, in that moment of observation, I think I better understood why Coulter had found such joy in our bagel run. I was present. It was just the two of us. No radio, no phone, no distractions. In that moment, with the caffeine kicking in, I had forgotten about our sleepless night and the dental work to come. I had even forgotten about the van light (which turned out to be nothing more than a reminder to change the oil, now does your cool SUV do that? Well it probably does, but whatever.) The point is Coulter had my full attention and I’m embarrassed that it took thinking a bagel was as good as it gets to remind me of the importance of that.

So today, as I write from my kitchen table, my JOY sign is smiling at me. Perhaps it’s because Emma Claire is asleep and Coulter and his Daddy are out of town (I’m just kidding, of course that isn’t the reason!) Perhaps, though, it’s because I’m starting a new week optimistic that this time I’ll get it right more than I get it wrong. I’m optimistic that I will be present with my children...the children that I’m raising and the children that I’m teaching. I’m optimistic that this time, I will choose joy, find joy and ultimately bring joy.